Tuesday, April 2, 2013

The Top Five Worst Things People Yell at Hockey Games

This guy has probably yelled everything on this list
It's no secret that we here at BSRS attend/watch our fair share of hockey games - BU, Bruins, other college games, etc. The early conclusion of BU's season left us wanting more college puck, so this weekend QQ and I hiked it down to the East Regional in the city where dreams go to die - Providence. Over the course of 5 hours, we witnessed a variety of fan faux pas that got us thinking about the things that people say at hockey games that piss us off.  Here are those thoughts in a convenient list form, because we know our ramblings are often hard to follow:

5) Get it out of the zone!

Often heard when on the penalty kill, this classic phrase clocks in at number 5 on our list.  QQ and I encountered a Quinnipiac fan at the East Regional who was particularly fond of this phrase.  Every time (and I mean every time) Canisius entered the offensive zone, she would instantaneously scream "GET IT OUT OF THE ZOOOOOOONE," causing everybody around her to wish she would get the fuck out of our zone.  Seriously, give your team a chance to, oh I don't know, get back on defense? If you yell this at a hockey game, I automatically assume that you don't think the other team should ever register a shot on goal - aka you're a fucking idiot.

4) Hit him! 

Nothing says "I'm a cave-dwelling, mouth-breathing mongoloid" like yelling this at a hockey game. While generally associated with Maine and UNH fans, you can probably find one drunk dipshit yelling this at almost any hockey game.  This same fan can also be found after the game complaining that there weren't enough fights, and then trying to start a fight with a fan of the opposing team. If you thought Neanderthals went extinct a couple hundred thousand years ago, guess again. Schmerling would roll over in his grave if he knew that all he had to do to discover Neanderthal skulls was to attend a Flyers game.

3) Where's the Penalty?!? (Generally with arm raised)
Who knew that a ton of former referees were also brain-dead casual hockey fans? There's no better way to let the people around you know that you have no idea what a crosscheck is like uttering this phrase when one of your team's players falls down.  QQ and I encountered a BC fan/partially functioning chimp this weekend who was guilty of this (surprise, surprise).  He couldn't understand for the life of him why Bill Arnold was called for a hit from behind (might have had something to do with hitting the hit from behind) and then proceeded to call for a hit from behind every time a BC player was checked along the boards. Beautiful. This same guy claimed that he had never seen so many hooking calls in his life, which makes sense considering we're pretty sure he had never seen a hockey game before. Hurray!

2) Skate! (or GO!)
I've honestly never understood why people yell this at games. I mean, I don't understand why people yell most of the stuff on this list, but this one I really don't understand.  What do these people think the players are doing on the ice? Yoga? Pilates? Playing Basketball? Some other non-skating centric activity? They're playing hockey you fucks, by the inherent nature of the sport they are skating - it's the whole fucking point. If they weren't skating on ice it'd be fucking field hockey. In my field work I've found that people generally yell this as their team is transitioning either from offense to defense or vice versa - aka the moments when a player is stopping, turning around and skating in the other direction. Even if you failed high school physics, you have to harbor some sense of the fact that it takes a fucking second to go from full speed, to a dead stop, and back to full speed. Would you give them a fucking second! 

1) Shoot!
Anybody who didn't think this was going to be #1 obviously hasn't been to a BU hockey game before. Don't get us wrong, we love BU and our fellow fans and classmates, but a collective scream of "SHOOOOOOOT" occurs five to ten times a game and it drives us nuts. There's nothing you could yell at a hockey game that would piss us off more. Literally nothing. Even worse is when it happens on the power play - for whatever reason, casual fans seem to believe that all a team should do on the power play is shoot, passing and strategy be damned. If there are bodies in the shooting lane, or there's nobody in front to collect a potential rebound, why the fuck would they shoot? You're asking for an easy clear for the penalty killers, asshats. A note to anybody reading this who realizes they are guilty of doing this during games: stop fucking coming to games. Sit in your dorm room. We're all set without you and your sorority girl friends screaming about how hot O'Regan is in between yelling "shoot" at the players on the ice. Thanks for coming.

No comments:

Post a Comment