Thursday, November 1, 2012

Weekend Preview: The Boys From North Dakota

The first weekend in November finds the Terriers traveling out to Grand Forks, North Dakota, for two games against UND. The Fighting Sioux whatever they are called now sit at #5 in the nation after two wins and a tie against Alaska-Anchorage and a loss to Alaska.  Your Terriers slid up to #12 in the most recent polls following a weekend sweep of Zoomass.  Let's get into it...

UND Quick Notes
+Seven national titles, nineteen frozen fours, two Hobey Baker winners
+Coached by Dave Hakstol (UND '92)
+2012-13 Captains: Andrew MacWilliam (C), Danny Kristo (A), Carter Rowney (A), Corban Knight (A)
+Notable Alums: Zach Parise, Jonathan Toews, TJ Oshie, Dave Tippett, Mike Commodore, Drew Stafford, Jordan Parise, Matt "Let's get drunk and throw lawn mowers and then get DUI's" Frattin

Notable UND Players

Danny Kristo, Sr, F - Kristo, one of three Assistant Captains for UND, is tied for the team lead in points with an 0-4-4 line.  Kristo accumulated all four assists in only two games played on the year due to suspension (more on that later).  Definitely one of the top forwards on the squad.

Rocco Grimaldi, RS FR, F - This Florida Panthers prospect sat out last year due to a knee injury that required season ending surgery.  Rocco is off to a fast start this season, posting a 2-2-4 line in four games played.  Grimaldi is well known for his hardcore religious beliefs, often taking to twitter to spread the word of God (seriously, click on that link - absolutely unreal).  Oh, and he has a blog where he goes into further detail about God in his life (and yours!).  I wonder if he'll take this opportunity to preach to the Terriers about their sinning ways.  After all, he does do all things through God who strengthens him!

Derek Forbort, JR, D - A first round pick of the LA Kings, Forbort is easily UND's best defenseman.  At 6'5" and 200 lbs, he's an imposing figure on the ice and uses his size to his advantage.  Forbort is off to a quick start to the season, with a 2-1-3 line through four games played.

Clark Saunders, JR, G - The Alabama-Huntsville transfer has started three of UND's first four games, going 1-1-1 with a 1.64 GAA and a .940 save percentage.  While I haven't seen anything definitive regarding their goaltending situation for the weekend, I wouldn't be surprised to see Saunders split time with freshman Zane Gothberg (Bruins 2010 draft pick).  Both goaltenders have played well early on this season, so BU definitely has it's work cut out for them this weekend.

They Drink Whiskey For Their Fun

While the season has barely begun, their has already been some trouble in Grand Forks.  While I'm sure  what I'm about to write will be misconstrued as the pot calling the kettle black, I feel like this is too funny not to report.

On September 15, a few of UND's freshmen had to be carried back to their dorms by teammates following a night of heavy drinking.  When an RA noticed their significant impairment, she called 911 for assistance (much to the dismay of the players).  When the police officer arrived, she found Zane Gothberg passed out face down on the floor, Bryn Chyzyk passed out on a couch, Drake Caggiula sick from alcohol poisoning, and Jordan Schmaltz locked in a bathroom.  Way to hold your liquor boys!

While team members maintain that the incident was not a product of team hazing, it does seem odd that the only players who required attention were the freshmen.  And by seem odd, I mean it was clearly hazing.  Let's call a spade a spade here bro.  Only freshmen got fucked up, upperclassmen had to carry them back to their dorms, only upperclassmen got suspended.  Totally not hazing though. Anyways, as a result of that night, seven players were suspended for one game (including all four captains).  Danny Kristo and Brendan O'Donnell also served a second one game suspension for violating team policies (unrelated to the aforementioned incident).

I'm not trying to say that drinking to the point of alcohol poisoning is a funny thing - it's not, and anybody who has experienced it or has taken care of somebody who has it knows exactly how scary it can be.  What is funny, however, is that Gothberg and Chyzyk passed out immediately upon entering their rooms, and Schmaltz locked himself in a bathroom.  Look, we've all been there.  You get dragged to some obscure freshmen hazing ritual, drink half a handle of vodka, probably throw up a few times, and have to be carried back to your room.  It happens.  But don't be a tool and lock yourself in a bathroom or pass out on the floor.  Man up and get to your bed.  Fucking Amateur hour.  Probably kept their shoes on too.  Fucking freshmen.  But hey, at least they didn't crash into a subway trolley!

Heil Ralph?

I'm not proud of this one, but I promised QQ I would include it.  Back in 1998, wealthy casino owner and UND alum Ralph Englestad announced that he would be donating $100 million to the university to fund a new hockey arena.  After navigating through Englestad's demand that the Fighting Sioux moniker be kept, the arena was completed.

Englestad's affinity for the largely racist Fighting Sioux nickname was not his only brush with controversy.  In the 1980s, Englestad threw a few parties in his casino - for Adolf Hitler's birthday.  Complete with swastika sheet cakes and German beer girls, the parties were held in a room full of Nazi memorabilia including pictures of Englestad in - wait for it - a Nazi uniform.  Englestad also had a bust of Adolf Hitler in his personal office, and supposedly was aware that bumper stickers were printed in his casino that said "Adolf was right".

Englestad claimed the parties were a joke, the memorabilia simply because of his love for history, and that he wasn't a Nazi supporter.  Right.  Just like my customized BU jersey, large supply of red and white face paint, and stuffed Rhett that I sleep with every night (what?) doesn't make me a BU fanboy.


Honestly, no fucking clue.  Historically, BU hasn't fared well out in Grand Forks (insert joke about a Nazi funded arena and BU's large Jewish population here).  I can't really get a read on this year's Terrier team, and I admittedly know little about this UND squad.  My guess is that the weekend will come out to a split, but a sweep by either team wouldn't exactly surprise me either.  Whatever the case, this weekend is a good bonding experience for this young Terrier team and will be a good national test against another storied college hockey program.


  1. Yes, I hope your young team has a great fucking bonding experience and then when they come back you guys can practice up in your locker room on your rape skills again and go shoot pucks naked cause that's dope! It's funny how you can make fun of some freshmen not being able to handle their liquor..what about YOUR WHOLE FUCKING TEAM AND UNIVERSITY APPARENTLY. Running around naked and drinking in your locker room and then on the ice, classy as fuck BRO. How was that box wine and the next question is who did you rape?

    Also..find it funny that at least our coach and university suspend wrongful actions...yours according to a local Boston newspaper says that your coach criticizes a player and then apologizes?!?! WTF...a players coach I guess.

    Good luck at your next naked rape party...

    After all...that's what BU hockey players do...

    A female student told the task force that a player had shoved his hands down her pants at a party and refused to stop even as she was punching him. She did not report the incident to authorities because, she said, “that’s just what [BU hockey players] do.”

    Graphic details emerge from BU hockey panel reports via @sharethis

    1. Honestly this is more awesome than you could have possibly imagined while writing it

    2. I'm catching a midnight flight out to NoDak so I can find Sandy and wife that shit. Don't get me wrong, though. I realize it's not a perfect match on paper.

      I know that usually their proposals are done at family reunions.

      I know that our family wouldn't preserve the purity of their incestuous bloodline that has been reinforced for centuries.

      I know that the film Fargo is the only thing worth tolerating ever to come from North Dakota and the setting of the movie served to reinforce the characters' depression and insanity.

      But DAMN IT, I don't care! We are meant to be together! I love you, Sandy. Be mine.

  2. LOL Sandy. You're a fucking loser. Just because the national spotlight hasn't shifted west of Minnesota/Denver since the turn of the millenium doesn't mean you have to inundate this forum with the excrements of your vagina. Your comments, while unoriginal, are also in no way relevant. It's a college hockey series between two storied programs. And I'd poke fun at the fact that neanderthals from North Fucking Dakota want to start giving manner lessons, but then I remembered no one is aware of you - or your school's - existence. Suck my bag and Go Terriers.

    Also - what's your problem with naked partying? OH MAN HE'S RUNNING AROUND WITH HIS GENITALS EXPOSED AFTER HE WON A NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP. It's a party, asshole. It's only weird if you make it weird.