Wednesday, March 26, 2014

2013-14 BU Men's Hockey Roast

A few months back we decided for some end of the season fun in the form of a roast. Some people might say that we've never said anything negative about a BU hockey player, and they'd be right...until today.

Feel free to chime in in the comments.

*These are jokes. We don't even take ourselves seriously so neither should you.

For those that are a little slow/aren't well informed/are from Lowell. A roast is:

Credit to Urban Dictionary

Let's get it started with the freshmen...
Nick Roberto: You committed to play and live in Orono, Maine for four years of your life. Also Roberto rum is shit...boom roasted

T.J. Ryan:  You're less famous than your dad and he is only on AM radio twice a week...boom roasted

Doyle Somerby: Somebody tell Doyle he doesn't have to play like an Islander yet.... boom roasted

Brendan Collier: Every time Collier takes the ice, Quinn turns to Greeley and says "Say your prayers, here we go."- The Town  ...boom roasted

Dillon Lawrence: It's ironic that his initials are DL since his game is on the down low most nights ...boom roasted

Dalton MacAfee: Maybe if you use a lacrosse stick, you will actually be a threat to score on the powerplay ...boom roasted.

Tommy Kelley: TK's wrister is about as accurate as DK's serve on Mario Tennis...boom roasted

Kevin Duane: There is goofy and then there is Kevin Duane. Only difference is that the latter has square wheels... boom roasted

Robbie Baillargeon: Carrots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  boom roasted

Sophomores, your turn...
Matt Grzelcyk: Nice white shorts kid. Hey Grizz, did any media outlet ever write a story about how you're from Charlestown and how your dad works for the Bruins bull gang? Or about how you're a Bruins draft pick? I haven't heard the story yet because no one seems to be covering it. Oh wait never mind... BU Today, New England Hockey Journal , Boston Sb Nation, Boston Globe, etc etc ...boom roasted

Sean Maguire: "Gotta see about a girl?" How about you see about stopping a puck?! If it was a cheeseburger you would stop it... boom roasted

Matt O'Connor: There are hipsters, there are Canadian hipsters and then there are Justin Bieber fans, unfortunately you fall in all three categories...boom roasted

Ahti Oksanen: Älä siniset viivat esiinny Suomessa? Koska sinulla on taipumus kompastua paljon..puomi paahdettu

English translation: Do blue lines exist in Finland? Because you seem to trip over them alot...boom roasted.

Matt Lane: You're from Rochester...boom roasted

Danny O'Regan:  If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck.. it's probably Dan O'Regan. Boom roasted

Mike Moran: More like Mike Moron with how many stupid penalties you take .... boom roasted

*Ignore that Moran only had 14 penalty minutes because that makes the joke less funny

J.D. Carrabino: You and J.D. Drew saw the same amount of playing time this year...boom roasted

Juniors up next, should be a short one...
Evan RodriguesYou're still living in PBeauty's shadow...boom roasted

Cason HohmannI thought everything was bigger in Texas, then I met this guy...boom roasted

Last but not least, the Seniors...
Matt Ronan: Nice ponytail...if you want to look like Mulan... boom roasted

Jake Moscatel: Super Senior. How old is Jake Moscatel? He is so old that he played juniors with Buddy Powers ...boom roasted

Garrett Noonan: Coach Parker gave you more doubles each day than McDonald's sells to fat guys/Santanimal in a month...boom roasted

Patrick MacGregor: The last time Mac scored a goal, he was at Avon Old Farms and Coach Greeley was in middle school ...boom roasted

Anthony Moccia: We didn't see you play enough to make a good joke for you...boom roasted

Coaching Staff

David Quinn:  Maybe if you spent less time looking in the mirror fixing your hair and more time looking at the ice, BU would have won more games ...boom roasted

Steve Greeley: When you go recruiting do you get mistaken for a player? Boom roasted

Buddy Powers: It is kind of ironic that your last name is Powers and since you joined the staff the powerplay has gone to shit...  Boom Roasted

Media and Staff 

Bernie CorbettBernie Corbett’s like the Led Zeppelin fan in “Almost Famous” - follows the group around, talks about them incessantly, but nobody in the group knows who he is...boom roasted

Brian Kelley: It's funny because your initials are BK but the only thing you are king of is rejecting our interview requests...boom roasted

BSRS: We’re college graduates who spend our time and money covering college students play a sport that none of us played. Boom roasted.

We didn't even know where Finland was until Ahti committed...boom roasted

A now-defunct Lowell blog once made us look stupid...boom roasted

Once Moscy leaves, we will be older than everyone on the team which makes us a little creepy...boom roasted

We went to South Bend, Indiana twice in a three week span by choice...boom roasted

One of us willingly lives in New Hampshire...boom roasted

We once respected Joe Meloni's opinion on a subject related to hockey...boom roasted

We once respected Vinny Saponari as a person...boom roasted

We once thought Mark Dennehy was a decent hockey coach...boom roasted

We thought the NCHC would be a better conference than the ECAC...boom roasted

#Boom #Roasted #BoomRoasted


  1. Pretty funny stuff. Thank you.

    1. Thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it