2013-14 BU Men's Hockey Roast

A few months back we decided for some end of the season fun in the form of a roast. Some people might say that we've never said anything negative about a BU hockey player, and they'd be right...until today.

Feel free to chime in in the comments.

*These are jokes. We don't even take ourselves seriously so neither should you.

For those that are a little slow/aren't well informed/are from Lowell. A roast is:

Credit to Urban Dictionary

Let's get it started with the freshmen...
Nick Roberto: You committed to play and live in Orono, Maine for four years of your life. Also Roberto rum is shit...boom roasted

T.J. Ryan:  You're less famous than your dad and he is only on AM radio twice a week...boom roasted

Doyle Somerby: Somebody tell Doyle he doesn't have to play like an Islander yet.... boom roasted

Brendan Collier: Every time Collier takes the ice, Quinn turns to Greeley and says "Say your prayers, here we go."- The Town  ...boom roasted

Dillon Lawrence: It's ironic that his initials are DL since his game is on the down low most nights ...boom roasted

Dalton MacAfee: Maybe if you use a lacrosse stick, you will actually be a threat to score on the powerplay ...boom roasted.

Tommy Kelley: TK's wrister is about as accurate as DK's serve on Mario Tennis...boom roasted

Kevin Duane: There is goofy and then there is Kevin Duane. Only difference is that the latter has square wheels... boom roasted

Robbie Baillargeon: Carrots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  boom roasted



Sophomores, your turn...
Matt Grzelcyk: Nice white shorts kid. Hey Grizz, did any media outlet ever write a story about how you're from Charlestown and how your dad works for the Bruins bull gang? Or about how you're a Bruins draft pick? I haven't heard the story yet because no one seems to be covering it. Oh wait never mind... BU Today, New England Hockey Journal , Boston Sb Nation, Boston Globe, etc etc ...boom roasted

Sean Maguire: "Gotta see about a girl?" How about you see about stopping a puck?! If it was a cheeseburger you would stop it... boom roasted

Matt O'Connor: There are hipsters, there are Canadian hipsters and then there are Justin Bieber fans, unfortunately you fall in all three categories...boom roasted

Ahti Oksanen: Älä siniset viivat esiinny Suomessa? Koska sinulla on taipumus kompastua paljon..puomi paahdettu

English translation: Do blue lines exist in Finland? Because you seem to trip over them alot...boom roasted.

Matt Lane: You're from Rochester...boom roasted

Danny O'Regan:  If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck.. it's probably Dan O'Regan. Boom roasted

Mike Moran: More like Mike Moron with how many stupid penalties you take .... boom roasted

*Ignore that Moran only had 14 penalty minutes because that makes the joke less funny

J.D. Carrabino: You and J.D. Drew saw the same amount of playing time this year...boom roasted

Juniors up next, should be a short one...
Evan Rodrigues: You're still living in PBeauty's shadow...boom roasted

Cason Hohmann: I thought everything was bigger in Texas, then I met this guy...boom roasted

Last but not least, the Seniors...
Matt Ronan: Nice ponytail...if you want to look like Mulan... boom roasted

Jake Moscatel: Super Senior. How old is Jake Moscatel? He is so old that he played juniors with Buddy Powers ...boom roasted

Garrett Noonan: Coach Parker gave you more doubles each day than McDonald's sells to fat guys/Santanimal in a month...boom roasted

Patrick MacGregor: The last time Mac scored a goal, he was at Avon Old Farms and Coach Greeley was in middle school ...boom roasted

Anthony Moccia: We didn't see you play enough to make a good joke for you...boom roasted

Coaching Staff

David Quinn:  Maybe if you spent less time looking in the mirror fixing your hair and more time looking at the ice, BU would have won more games ...boom roasted

Steve Greeley: When you go recruiting do you get mistaken for a player? Boom roasted

Buddy Powers: It is kind of ironic that your last name is Powers and since you joined the staff the powerplay has gone to shit...  Boom Roasted

Media and Staff 

Bernie Corbett: Bernie Corbett’s like the Led Zeppelin fan in “Almost Famous” - follows the group around, talks about them incessantly, but nobody in the group knows who he is...boom roasted

Brian Kelley: It's funny because your initials are BK but the only thing you are king of is rejecting our interview requests...boom roasted

Other

BSRS: We’re college graduates who spend our time and money covering college students play a sport that none of us played. Boom roasted.

We didn't even know where Finland was until Ahti committed...boom roasted

A now-defunct Lowell blog once made us look stupid...boom roasted

Once Moscy leaves, we will be older than everyone on the team which makes us a little creepy...boom roasted

We went to South Bend, Indiana twice in a three week span by choice...boom roasted

One of us willingly lives in New Hampshire...boom roasted

We once respected Joe Meloni's opinion on a subject related to hockey...boom roasted

We once respected Vinny Saponari as a person...boom roasted

We once thought Mark Dennehy was a decent hockey coach...boom roasted

We thought the NCHC would be a better conference than the ECAC...boom roasted

#Boom #Roasted #BoomRoasted