Saturday, November 3, 2012

[Updated] BSRS Bulletin Board - NoDak "They Have Internet Out There?" Edition

[author's note: updated with a couple of extra tidbits on 11/4]

In what I'm sure will never become a running feature here at BSRS, GW and myself were compelled to make a post of classic bulletin board material in order to motivate the boys for tonight's revenge game at Himmler Rink Ralph Englestad Arena. Inspired by the absolutely priceless Twitter battle started by Ben "The Bear Jew" Rosen the other day, we've decided to recap all of the best UND fan chirps directed at BU hockey. For those of you keeping score at home, the three most consistent running themes are intolerance, hypocrisy and general stupidity. Should be fun! Let's get started!

The Tweet Heard 'Round the Prairie

That's how it all started, ladies and gents. Credit to The Bear Jew for an awesome first chirp. But soon after, it all started to spiral out of control. As a cawlidge hawkey enthusiast/writer and BSRS' biggest fan, CHN's own Joe Meloni voiced his approval in what was a tweet we all hoped would keep the situation lighthearted.

Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and BSRS sank deeper into the muck of a Twitter chirp-battle with what probably constituted the entire population of North Dakota.

Tweets like this made it tempting to add an additional category of "Yeah, the kettle black," but then I realized that with almost every tweet from NoDak fans qualifying, it would be easier just to point it out once.

The next one was too delicious not to hit out of the park. If you don't want to hear the joke then don't softball 'em in like that, Barry, YOU ASSHOLE.

As you can see, some of the Fighting Arguing Sioux faithful were pretty upset by our chirps. Things went from being fun and stereotypically fulfilling to dark and of questionable legality when not-so-veiled threats were being leveled at us.

Basically. When a BUDP member who made the trip to GF tweeted back at this kid (with his face in his Twitter avatar), "sup?", this was the response.

I mean, at least he's self-aware.
But those lovely specimens were just NoDak's opening act. The headliners were still to come. Among them was future crazy cat lady/Biggest Loser contestant "Lexie Lea Hinricksen," who kind of resembles what would happen if the lovechild of Chuckie from the Rugrats and Sloth from the Goonies fucked the baby from Dinosaurs.

Here are some of her most memorable tweets:

Ooh, yeah. She's a keeper. Lexie makes Audrey Hepburn look like a sewer rat.

This is pretty self-explanatory. I don't think we need to get into why she embarrassed herself here.

We brought to light their rampant intolerance and got this gem from a third party:


Ding Ding Ding! We have a two-fer here everyone! Two tweets, both grammatical atrocities, one with intolerance against LGBT lifestyles and one with unabashed ignorance! We should play NoDak more often. I also enjoyed how his tasteless rape taunt included the adjective "innocent." Wouldn't want to confuse it with those cases of rape when the girl totes wanted the D, right? Those ones aren't innocent, the rapists are practically the victims, right Jake? Stay classy.

BSRS did find some supporters during the bout as third-party spectators offered their input.

The following is a representative sample of what has become another theme in NoDak fans' tweets: thinking that BSRS bloggers are paid to do this, that we go/went to BU to study journalism and then run a hockey blog, and/or that operating BSRS is our collective goal in life. Ha ha, it's funny because it's totally definitely true.

"The industry," right. The kid who tweeted this also operates a blog. Its tagline? "Who are you kidding? You wish you were me." The blog has 23 posts in three years. Keep on truckin', soldier.
Seriously though, how awesome would it be if BU paid our way to North Dakota? Instead of the truth, which is that we systematically cut back on our binge drinking little by little and saved the extra money over time.

Next project: sponsorship and official affiliation with BU Athletics/Freep. AND THEN??

But I digress.

Yikes. It seems like you got a head start, Jake. No fair! But Jake wasn't done yet.

This one was interesting. He calls us "Yanks," a slang term which originated as a British term applying to anyone from America and was later used by Confederates to refer to Union soldiers (at least that relation fits the NoDak tolerance profile). So it sucks to be American? Not really, pal. Then he tries to insult us by (presumably) referencing the Boston Tea Party. So, you're welcome for fathering the American Revolution? Get a clue.

Really, man? A hurricane joke? Dozens of people died. Hundreds of thousands of others lost their power, hundreds more lost their entire homes. Myself and MWW were among those whose homes took the brunt of the storm. Go drink your way into the emergency room, dicknose.

The next two are just kind of bewildering.

Good ones, guys? I guess if you want, we could just switch from standard chirps to listing the state facts on our respective Wikipedia pages.

Classic. Yee-haw.

This is seriously this next guy's actual Twitter avatar. I would bet my life that it's candid, too.

Pretty standard grammatical errors at this point. Nothing too interesting, besides the fact that he refers to North Dakota's female population as "our women". I bet he's right on the front lines of progressive feminism. One more for the road:

So yeah, no love lost here. Let's step it up tonight and deprive them of any further reason not to be depressed that they actually live in North Dakota.

You may be right, sir. God speed, QQ. Watch out for the ones with the gun racks. And bring home Sandy so we can be together!

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